so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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