You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
