I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
