your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
