He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
