You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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