If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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