So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
