hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize