We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
