Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
