I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
