she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
