I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
