Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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