I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Are we still banned from the library?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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