There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
