i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
