I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
