She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
