Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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