I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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