Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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