I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So here I am, sexting at work.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
