I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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