I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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