I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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