Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
