Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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