It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
