i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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