I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
