I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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