how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize