DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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