Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
