worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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