Soap is not a condiment
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
