you didnt know i had herpes?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
