All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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