so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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