Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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