i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
