I puked a lego.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have feelings that need drinking.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
