I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
