420 ftw
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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