using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize