did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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