so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
