@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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