Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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