good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Banned from zoo.
Again?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
