We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
