After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
