Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
