This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize