omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Terrible idea I love it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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