you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
