Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
