i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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