Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
