I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
