Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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