we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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