I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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