so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
