Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i barfeds in our rink
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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