Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
