It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
