so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
