To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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