i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
