If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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