So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
