Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
