I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
