i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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