my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
