How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
