she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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