i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
