I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
