Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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