He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
