the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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