Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.

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(904): View more from Florida

It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk

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(406): View more from Montana

He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.

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(941): View more from Florida

Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.

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(585): View more from New York

N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.

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(925): View more from California

Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.

(303): View more from Colorado

oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test

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