I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
